How long now…ooooh coming on another 6-7 weeks since my last post. The reason is that everything has largely been the same…
He continues to be nice, but I can tell he is starting to look sad again. There has been no counselling for a few weeks now, and I think he misses it because he is back to having no-one to talk to…and I am still not spending any time with him. He is also having trouble with his family. His mum and dad are not ‘coping’ too well (complicated health issues, etc) and his brother has sort of fallen out with him. He skirts over why, but I suspect it is about me.
For all the understanding I portrayed in my last post, the facts remain. I don’t want to be in a relationship with him, but I could be his friend.
You may be thinking, fuck sake! He’s still there??? Yes he is. I said I would not push during lockdown, as I felt getting nasty and kicking him out in the middle of a pandemic…might be just a little bit mean…but…he went back to work this week, and am getting some time to think.
You see, for all this time he has been in the house 24/7 and sleeping in the little room next to mine, which has a thin plasterboard connecting wall (standard 1930’s box room). This means his ‘presence’ is felt even when he is sleeping. And, because the room is so small, obviously he can’t stay in there all day, so he goes into the lounge, watches telly with my mum. Nice. But that means, unless I want to play nicey nicey round the telly…I am stuck in my room…I like it in my room. For years I could never enjoy it, due to his bloody sleep patterns and now…I am perhaps getting a bit too fond of my room…
Today Alexander Boris de Pfeffle Johnson said (in so many puffs and splutters) that lockdown is going to be pretty much over on 4th July…and do you know what?
I would really like to get a dog.
Sara's Narcissus and Other Stories 