It’s been an odd day, good and not so good, but I have been in a relatively calm place overall. Back at work today, sat at my laptop looking out the front bedroom window. The neighbours are having a kitchen extension, and I watched this guy skilfully manouveur several huge pallets of breeze blocks and sand onto a small designated area on my neighbours drive. I have to admit I was pretty impressed. Chatted to a few people at work, as ya do, spoke to both my lovely offspring, and generally a decent day.
He came back early though, about 9.30am and pretty much went to bed til about 3pm, so all quiet for the best part.
It seems however that he had been thinking about all this stuff, and he was in bits, all red faced. Asked me if I wanted tea and announced he was going to the shed to ring someone. His counselling has finished so he is on his own again.
Over the course of the evening, we had several conversations. It was really tough on him, because I did not let up. I did not shout, but when he asked me to stop, I simply said “for a day? another 8 months? another 3 years?” nope mate it has to be now, as soon as possible.
I told him several home truths to counter all his bollocks about what he is losing. I did not cause this. 10 years of his refusal to make even a single tiny effort towards change, even when I begged him to at least look for a Monday to Friday job. The fact that we have been here before, when I gave him back my engagement ring and moved into the spare room for 3 months, until I finally relented. That was 5 YEARS AGO… and still not a single effort made. He said he thought it was all sorted, and that I just didn’t want to marry him. I asked him if that was honestly what he thought was bothering me! Really! Just that?!! Ha ha ha ha… sorry… he must be more stupid than I thought… Ah so that’s why he thought he could let all of his improvements towards being a better partner, fade back into his cosy little normality chair. If that is making an effort then, fuck me! I would hate to see him taking it easy… oh wait…
I also told him that this situation being in a repeat pattern since November 2019 is not doing anyone’s mental health any good, least of all his. Surely every few months going through this, must be a living hell.
He needs to stop the cycle and actually move on and out. I explained to him that his behaviour, and refusal to accept my decision, is really damaging to his self-respect and the respect of others. Really though, his hopes of maintaining any kind of relationship/friendship with the people he says he cares most for, i.e. me and my kids is getting less likely, the longer this drifts on.
Look, I get it. Breaking up is hard to do, we all know that, but by dragging this out, it just makes it harder.
However… and this is significant actually, after the home truths discussion, and through the tears, we talked about him actually moving out! I said it had to be done asap. He said he has been looking at houses and narrow boats (which I think would be really cool and something he has been going on about for years) and we should sort out the money.
Now, provided he don’t take the piss… we might get out of this with at least my sanity intact!
Here is a hopeful bunny… which is not real either.
Sara's Narcissus and Other Stories 