Sara's Narcissus and Other Stories

A little later, after a few conversations and a lot of rumination I finally decided that I could take it no longer and I started to plan my escape…

I spoke to my son today. He is usually highly non-confrontational, quiet studious type and yet he offered
to come home from London and help me to move him out. My daughter who is much more fiesty is back
from holiday on Monday and he is sure she will be up for it too (they share a flat).
I have decided to go to a solicitor on Monday and start the legal ball rolling.
I just got home, and he is being soooo nice, making me tea and making small talk. I am doing the grey
wall thing, and am now back up in my bedroom.
I think it is best to not mention my new plan just yet.
I think I got this…I will let you all know what the solicitor says.
Wish me luck guys, cos this is pretty scary…

That evening he was so chirpy and friendly (clearly believing that I was going to finally give in to his demands for money) that he was whistling and singing around the house! He never sings (he sounds like a moose). When I posted this…oh my goodness did that set em off!

I’m just so frustrated for you…………………
You’ve delayed, procrastinated, avoided etc etc for 11 months now……………and you’re still doing
it……………….just because you feel guilty.
But you have nothing to feel guilty about ! Nothing !
You have provided this man with a lovely, comfortable home and lifestyle, maid service, laundry service,
chef and waitress service, personal shopper, therapist, sex partner………………ALL totally FREE for 3 years, then for a measly 300-400 a month after that…………………………..and he has NOT repaid YOU for
all that, has he ?
PLEASE stop letting him get away with taking the piss out of you !

But of course they were completely right and I was getting stronger and more determined by the minute…I realised that to get him out on Monday was not possible and I had to wait for the kids to come home. The problem was that he had found a boat that depended on my money….so I lied to him probably the first time ever…told him I was having trouble raising the money and he would need to wait a bit. That stopped him from putting a deposit down (not that I really thought he intended to). After all that though he still wanted me back….he still has hope that we can turn the relationship round…really?!!!! After all this? He really is not quite right is he?

It was around this time that I began to understand the extent of emotional abuse he has put me through for the last 15 years. As I began to understand what was going on…my memories started to come back a little…

Sun 06-Sep-20 21:49:58

It’s funny actually, the way that this kind of manipulation can make you forget, and distance (or just
not talking to him) can bring things back. For example, the other day we had a discussion about the lack of intimacy (last 5 years, practically none). I said that he never responded to me putting my arm round him, things like that. He responded that I pushed him away…and off I went feeling something was off but at the time I had no quick response to give him.
From what I am starting to understand, this is because, something in this kind of long-term psychological
abuse causes a form of amnesia. Anyway, its been about 4 days, and suddenly I remember why I pushed him away when he tried to be intimate…because, imagine he has been nowhere near you for a good few months, you walk past him and
he grabs your boobs or crotch out of the blue and rubs up you…what would be your reaction?

I explained to him several times that he needed to start slowly, particularly as we had been lacking in this
area for so long…but he then blamed me…see above.
Rinse and repeat.

I spoke to Womens Aid about the situation, and this was their advice:

Mon 07-Sep-20 14:14:13

I should get him out as soon as possible, as he has had plenty of time to leave, and he is blackmailing me
by refusing to leave without money.
I should call the police to advise them of what I am going to do
I should then take my son up on the offer to help me move him out on Thursday.

On Wednesday we are all set and he is none the wiser and still swinging from love bomb to demanding money…

Cyclepath777 Wed 09-Sep-20 00:07:46

Update:
Thanks everyone, things are moving forwards.

Both my kids are coming up by train to arrive at 9pm (after his bedtime) and we are going out for a
late meal. He knows my son is coming but not my daughter, so she will sleep with me on Wednesday
evening.

My mum has offered boxes and encouragement, and my mate is keeping close tabs on me lol
The locksmith is booked for 10am on Thursday.
I had a bit of a conversation with him today, he has noticed my grey walling and asked why. I told
him I didn’t want to talk about it, he asked about the money and I said I was talking to the bank
but he should leave anyway. He just said we had an agreement, to which I answered that I didnt’t
think it was fair…and then he said, well, its not fair to either of us!!!! Oh I forgot to mention
before, he originally demanded 30k and stuck with that for 6 months…

When he got nothing from me, he started to love bomb me…
You are my soul mate, I love you more than anything, I can only talk to you, you are my best
friend, I know that we can sort this out if you only give me a chance, now that I have had therapy
(6 weeks 1 hr phone) I know what i did wrong, please give me a chance to get it right, I don’t
agree with you that it is too late…

…which is the killer statement. Obviously I don’t know my own mind and I am wrong and should just
do what he wants.

And it moved me not one jot…went round my mums for dinner…
Don’t get me wrong though, for this to happen to anyone is horrible, even if they are.