Up at 7, we packed his stuff into boxes and bags. I have to admit there was more than I expected. To move someone out who has lived in one place for 15 years is quite a momentous task in so many ways.
I leave a message for the police so that they are aware.
Anyway, I then tried to ring his parents so I could go and drop off his stuff. I rang periodically for an hour…no reply.
The Locksmith comes and goes…In desperation at about 12.30, I decide to ring his brother, to see if he can take his stuff. I know he is usually back from work around 2ish.
I was not expecting what followed:
“Hi its me, I’m sorry but I am kicking him out and can’t get hold of your parents to drop off his stuff.”
“About bloody time, my wife is with you on this, should have gone months ago. He’s always been lazy, never stood on his own feet or will take responsibility for anything. If he shot someone it would be someone elses fault. I told him he’s not got a leg to stand on, he’s been living off you for 20 years, he’s a fucking cock lodger!”
“His first wife left him cause he was caught red-handed shagging someone at a gig, I was there”
“What? I said…he always told me his wife left him for another man”
“Bullshit, it was him!”
I think that was the moment that the last bit of FOG (Fear, Obligation Guilt) finally dispersed.
About 10 minutes after that call, he returned home early.
There is stuff in the car, bags and boxes everywhere…
There was then a short but testy doorstep moment, with me and the kids telling him to go away, and that
he’s been found out on his lies on one side, and him asking what he’s done and begging to come in for a
cup of tea on the other…at which point I just say “not a chance” and shut the door.
(Now, I really want to unpick this for a mo… I have not had much experience of relationship break-ups and such, and I accept that he was probably in shock, but I think that if I was on the other side of that doorstep, having that conversation, I would probably be pretty upset…visibly.
But with this guy, it was blank, flat, emotionless. I don’t think his face changed in the slightest from any normal day…and the clincher…the request for a cup of tea! He doesn’t really drink tea much, he likes the hit from a strong coffee but that is beside the point. Who would calmly ask for a cup of tea when faced with the fact that my car is full your stuff, and 3 people are telling you to go away.
Staying true to form, he proceeds to hang around the house, wandering around on the drive, going on his phone, and occassionally knocking on the door, verrrry politely.
He tried ringing me (blocked) and messaging me (blocked). We had some lunch, and watched some TV because it was actually quite boring waiting for him to leave.
So, after 1.5 hours, I decided enough was enough, and rang him on my son’s phone. I told him he had 5 minutes to drive away or I would call the police… and yet…he still took it slightly past the wire…I think he finally left at 2.15.
It took 4 trips to his parents to deliver all his stuff. His Dad was not impressed with me and the kids, and
the ex seemed in still be in shock and disbelief. I don’t think he ever expected me to do something so drastic. I feel pity for him, but his in a situation of his own making.
When we got back home I noticed how little impact the removal of his stuff had made. A few empty cupboards, toiletries, clothes, stuff from the loft. The reality of his contribution is pretty stark.
I played battleships with my kids, and my daughter won.
Sara's Narcissus and Other Stories 